Do you like talking with me, I mean, this sort of talking, you know, about all our feelings and what we think about everything.
Sure, more and more. It’s hard work at times, when I move into some part of myself I’m not familiar with; and I don’t like seeing all the things that are wrong with me, but I do want to see them all the same, because I don’t want to do them anymore, or be that way. More and more I want to heal all of myself, and really, do whatever that takes.
So you enjoy us sitting around like this talking about whatever comes up, and mostly it’s to do with our feelings.
Yes, yes I do - why?
Well, haven’t you noticed something about yourself that’s changed lately, a very big change in fact.
No... not really. What sort of change? What do you mean?
Well, what time is it?
Yes, and what day is it?
So don’t think you’re behaving a bit strange, it being 8.30 Monday night and you’re sitting here talking to me like this?
Strange, no, why, what are you going on about? What’s so strange about our talking about all our stuff, that’s what we do all the time when we’re together these days.
Yes, I know, and I too am loving it. Our whole relationship has changed so much, and daily I’m enjoying being with you more Terry.
Even as you see how wrong I am in so many things and ways and beliefs I have?
Yes. I don’t care about all of that, because I know you’re intent on working on yourself, to live true to yourself, and that’s all that matters to me. You can’t help how fucked up you are, it was all done to you, but you trying to heal yourself is what I like the most, for in time, I know you’ll work through it all, and then you won’t be wrong.
Yeah, I sure do hope so. It will probably take me a million years to do it though.
So Terry, let me ask you again: Don’t you think it’s strange, your sitting here like this at 8.30 Monday night?
No, why, shouldn’t I be... should I be somewhere else... have I forgotten something... should be... no, it’s not your birthday, or... I should be taking you out for dinner or something, should I?
No, nothing like that, it’s more obvious.
What? What is it you’re going on about. If you don’t tell me, I’ll start to get angry, and then we’ll have to sit around while I try and express all of that.
Okay. What have you done religiously for the past two years at 8.30 on a Monday night?
Hmm... Monday night... I don’t know.
Yes you do, come on - THINK!
HA! Yes, shit you’re right. Watch the Gravy Train. Oh my god, yes, I can’t believe it! Yes you’re right Ann, jeez I hadn’t even thought about it - ha, not one thought!
Terry, you’re a healed man. I never thought I’d see the day. It has been your favourite show on TV, what you have lived for.
Yes I know, but ha, I feel nothing for it.
You don’t feel bad that you’re missing it?
Nup... no, not one bad feeling. I don’t even care that I’m missing it. And actually I feel, I can’t even see what I saw in it for all those years.
Yes. I feel nothing for it. How I feel now is that I don’t care if I never watch it again. And as far as watching the TV goes, right now I don’t care if I never watch it again at all.
Seriously... what about the cricket in summer?
Ah, the cricket. Well, yes, I don’t know about that, we’ll have to wait and see, and it’s not for a long time, and if I keep working on myself, I might not even need to watch it when it comes around again.
Terry, you are a changed man! If this is for real, and not just for now, if you’ve given up your need for the television, then shit, that’s a huge change in you. I would never have thought you’d ever be able to do it.
Yeah well, if I have, it certainly is amazing. But right now, I feel like I couldn’t care less if you gave it away. I don’t feel like I’ll ever want to watch it again, and besides, it only makes me feel bad, always such bad news and doom and gloom all over the world. I think I’d rather spend my time speaking with and just being with you Ann.
Music to my ears Terry Arnold, music to my ears!
When the need has gone for the things that one needs to do to keep denying ones bad feelings, so one no longer needs such things. And as the relationship becomes of more importance as one seeks to uncover the truth of oneself and helping the other person to so do for themselves, then all anti-relationship things go too. The television being one main culprit, not that it’s the tele’s fault, it being what so many of us have been brought up on as a substitute relationship for our parents not wanting to have true relationships with us. I spent more time with the television that I did with mum and dad, more time just watching it, not expressing myself, passive - dead, suppressing all my feelings. Once Marion and I felt we no longer needed our TV, and out it went, then we moved deeper into just wanting to be together all the time, without such separating devices, all so we could focus more on expressing our feelings to each other. But don’t think you should get rid of it before you really no longer want it anymore, it’s not a mental thing doing our healing. The TV goes when you feel wholeheartedly that you no longer need it, when it’s been sitting there for a time just gathering dust.