Terry, you know, another thing you do that really annoys me, and is annoying me even more lately, is you leaving your teaspoon in the sink after you’ve made a coffee for me to clean up. I don’t want to clean up after you. If I make you a coffee, fair enough, I will wash that, it all being part of my doing it for you, but I’m sick and tired of finding another dirty spoon in the sink.
There’s various ways Ann and Terry can go with this. Ann is angry with Terry for doing such a thing, so she has bad feelings she will need to express and uncover the truth of. And when she does, she might even find that she no longer feels angry about Terry leaving his spoon for her to wash up; and as he does so many things for her, she might feel fair is fair, it no longer bothering her, it even possibly making her feel good that she can do something for him.
And on Terry’s side, he can either say, yeah well, that’s how I am, I hate washing my spoon, and too bad, lump it or leave it. Or he can want to try and find out why he does such a thing, and if indeed it is wrong to behave that way. Is it right to expect Ann to wash up after him, for after all, he does so many things for her; are we meant to have our lives all how we want them to be, and if the other person doesn’t like us how we are, then too bad, they can shove off, leaving you to get on with it.
And what Marion and I have found is as we’re setting out to uncover the whole truth of ourselves, this means as part of that, to find out the truth of whether or not all we do in our relationships is right and true. So basically, what is the right, correct and perfect way to live, how are we meant to conduct ourselves, all according to God and so in harmony with God’s Laws. And as we’ve only got out feelings to go by, Marion and I have spent endless amounts of time discussing such little things as this: why do we do what we do, why do I leave the spoon for her to wash. And like Terry, I do. If I make myself a cup of Nature’s Cuppa, having long since given up coffee as part of my healing, I leave the spoon, I never wash it up. And yet if I come back some time later doing other things in the sink, I’m quite happy to wash it up then. And if I make Marion’s tea for her, I will wash up the spoon, all these strange little behavioural quirks that come to light the closer you are together, and all as you go along expressing your feelings.
Mum would have a fit every now and then because we’d have left dirty dishes in the sink, and yet at other times not complain at all. All the patterns go in, and the patterns relating to different ages and time frames through ones forming years, all making things become at times very confusing. And as we’ve discovered, it all has to be worked through. And at times one part might come up, and you work through that, then at another time, another bit, then the first bit might come back but under different circumstances. So you go this way and that, back over the same old ground endless times, all the while expressing all you think and feel. And the one thing we can all be sure about, is our soul will bring up all the bits that are not right within us, all our behaviour and beliefs, all our negative truth-denying patterns.
Yes you do Terry, and it really gives me the shits. I hate it, you don’t take responsibility for your actions, and you make me feel like I’m your mother always having to pick up after you.
Well, you’re a fine one to talk, if you’re going to pick on me for this minor thing, what about you leaving your dirty underwear all over the place - all the time!
What are you talking about, you love my knickers!
I do, when they are on you, not when they are all yukky lying about the bedroom floor.
And if you don’t like seeing them so much, why haven’t you said anything about it before?
Because it’s how you want to be, and mostly I think you should be however you want to be. And they don’t really do anything to me-
Well why are you saying you don’t like them lying around then? And it’s only at best a couple of pairs, it’s not as if I leave a weeks supply strewn all over the house. I think you’re only saying that as a ploy to deflect my anger at you about you leaving the spoon unwashed.
No, I hate seeing your undies lying around like that.
Why do you hate it? Come on then, tell me.
I never leave my dirty washing lying around, I always put it in the basket to be washed.
Yes, and you’re a good boy aren’t you, your mummy would be pleased with you.
She would, and she’d tell you off for leaving your dirty pants around, you can bet on that.
Yeah well, she’s not here, this is my house and I will do as I please in it.
Okay then, I will do as I please and leave my spoon in the sink. And besides, what harm does it do, I wash it up later when I go back, and it’s only one little spoon, it’s not as if it is last nights dinner plates.
All right, so I’ll leave my pants lying around as I please and you can leave your spoon lying around.
Yes, all right. Agreed.
It all needs to be thrashed out. Argued about, discussed, going this way and that. Not always is it the straight forward expressing of ones feelings to uncover the truth. Often it’s just expressing oneself, yelling and fighting and being angry with each other; and just getting into all the niggly little things and pulling them apart, saying what comes to mind and having the other person say their things. And there doesn’t need to be a winner or loser, nor even a resolution, there just needs to be equality in allowing each of you to say it all, to get it all out, no matter what it is, and not matter how mad it sounds half the time. Like two little kids sorting things out, being angry with each other, saying they hate each other and won’t be friends; and yet once it’s all out, on they go to the next stage of their relationship, the very best of friends. It’s all better out than in, and the more you can say and express and emote all you feel and think, the better.