I do see what you mean Ann, it is easy to understand and it does all make sense; and yes, I don’t want to deny any feelings, and you’re right, I also admit that I do deny them. I have not wanted to face, or even admit that I do feel bad about us, that we’re not sailing too well, I do have to come clean, and I do want to give this Feeling-Healing a go. We can begin and see what think, is that all right with you?
See what we feel more like Terry. Yes, it’s what I want, too, and the more I read about it, the more convinced I feel that it’s the way to go. And not just for us in our relationship, but for each of us personally in life. I don’t want to live denying any part of myself, let alone lots of feelings. I want to fully express myself, bring it all out, bring ME all out, as it says. I want to get to know me, and I like the sound of that, and all through my feelings. And I no longer want to hurt myself by denying myself my own feelings. I mean, when you think about it, what a horrible thing to do to yourself - deny your own feelings. As the website says, they are you, they are a vital and valuable part of you, we wouldn’t have them if they weren’t. So why deny them. I can see to deny them is like it says, cutting off an arm or a leg, you need your arm and leg, and so I guess we need all our feelings too.
Yes Ann, I agree, it does make good sense. And I agree with you, yes, I want to be with you in it.
But Terry, you understand it’s a big commitment you are making, to try and own and honour and speak about all your bad feelings; and like it says, all so you can find out the truth of why you are feeling bad.
I do... at least I think I do. But I’m willing to give it a try. If it gets too much for me, well we can talk about that.
Yes, I like that... Oh Terry, good on you! I was so much hoping you were going to say you’d give it ago. I feel very excited about it, just think, to stop treating myself badly by denying feelings, and to accept myself, it’s like all that self-love stuff I read about and tried to do last year. You remember all that think positively and make loving affirmations, “I love myself, I am a worthy person, I am of great value to myself and the world, I am important, I am special” -
Yeah, all that rubbish you used to go on and on about that did you no good.
Yes, well this I feel is different. I’m not, as the website says, using my mind to try and convince myself that I’m all right and feeling good about myself, when I’m not feeling good about myself. I like the idea of going the other way, of going with my feelings rather than keeping on going against them, trying to avoid my bad ones, trying to convince myself that I don’t even feel bad, when I do feel bad.
Oh Terry, I’m so much looking forward to beginning, when shall we start?
I don’t know. Do we have to make some official announcement, have a party and tell all our friends or something?
No, nothing like that silly, this is between you and I.
I know, I was only joking. We begin when we want to, it’s up to us.
Okay then, so let’s begin now.
Okay, so Terry what do we do now?
I don’t know... um, how about we make a pact, that when we feel bad, we try to speak about our bad feelings, like we read, and not try and push them aside. Oh god, will you listen to me, am I really going to do this, all this feeling stuff. Am I really going to want to have to face and talk about all my bad feelings... oh I don’t know Ann, what if it all gets very serious, very intense, and I feel very bad.
Ah HA! Terry, a bad feeling, you’re feeling a bad feeling right now! So come on, speak about it.
I am, shit I am, aren’t I. Shit I can actually feel that, I do feel bad.
So what bad feeling do you feel Terry?
I don’t know... um... fear I guess, I feel scared. Yes, what if it’s hard work, what if I feel too bad, I won’t know what to do.
Keep going Terry, say more about your feeling scared.
No, that’s it, there isn’t anymore.
There must be more! You feel scared - why do you feel scared?
As I said, what if I feel lots of bad feelings.
Why do you feel bad about that, what’s so scary about feeling lots of bad feelings?
They will be too much! I’ll feel too bad, and I don’t want to feel bad. No I don’t... that’s right, I don’t Ann.
Because it scares me, I mean, it really scares me, I feel very scared about feeling bad. Yes I do... You know Ann, that’s something I’ve never really understood about myself before, but I am scared of feeling bad.
Terry! That’s it!
What, what’s it?
What you just said, that you’ve never understood that about yourself.
No I haven’t, it’s actually new to me, as I said, but it’s right, you know, it makes sense, I can see that about myself. I never really thought I was scared of feeling, but ha, now I have to admit that I am.
Terry, don’t you see what you’ve done!?
No, what... what have I done, what are you going on about?
You’ve done what that website said it’s all about, when you decide to stop denying our feelings and instead speak about them. It’s all so we can find out more about ourselves, the truth as it says, didn’t you read that?
I did, but I guess I didn’t understand what it meant. So you mean I’ve found out something about myself, as I said, and this is finding out some truth about myself.
Yes, I guess it is, isn’t it. Ha!, well, what do you know. Shit that was easy, if that’s what it’s like it won’t be too bad.
Early days yet Terry, you were just lucky, but what you did, for me, that’s it, that shows it can be done, and that’s what it’s all about.
So how do you feel now?
Good. Yeah, pleased I did it, and happy you’re excited about it. I like it when you’re happy and excited about things.
And do you still feel scared about doing it, scared about what you might feel?
No, my fear doesn’t seem to be there anymore. I feel good, as I said.
Good! So we’ve taken our first step together.
Then I suppose: we’ve begun!